Q1 2025 Wealth Strategy Insights

A Practical Guide To Divorce

What is a divorce?

"Divorce refers to the legal process of ending a couple's relationship. For purposes of this document, spouses and marriage include legally married individuals and registered domestic partners. Discussion also covers unmarried couples."

What must happen to be divorced?

A Judgment must be obtained—a legal document declaring marriage dissolution. This typically allocates income, debts, assets, and parenting responsibilities. For unmarried parents, a Judgment establishes the parental relationship and financial obligations.

How does the court determine your Judgment?

Less than 5% of family law cases result from trials where judges apply legal principles. Most couples negotiate Judgments without trials, sometimes with professional assistance. Some prepare for trial but settle at the courthouse; others resolve all issues independently.

What must you do before the court can file your Judgment?

Absolute requirements include:

• File and serve a Petition and Summons
• Wait minimum six months and one day from Summons service
• Abide by Standard Family Law Restraining Orders
• Complete and serve a Declaration of Disclosure
• Obtain a Judgment

Decisions included in your Judgment

Key questions requiring professional guidance:

• How will you share assets and debts?
• How will you share income?
• How will you share parenting?

Information from various sources requires verification for current legal accuracy, tax implications, and family appropriateness.

Why talk about Divorce Options?

Understanding divorce process options proves crucial for family well-being. Your chosen approach impacts personal welfare, parenting relationships, and finances. Goals should maximize collective family resources while preserving valuable relationships. Children benefit when parents maintain functional working relationships despite personal disconnection.

Divorce is more than a legal process

Divorce represents a profound transition affecting you, children, and extended family. Consider:

• How children will view the changing relationship
• How your spouse will view changes
• How people close to you will respond

Your process choices influence everyone's reactions. Divorce need not force people to choose sides; children especially should never be asked to choose between parents. Family and friends can support you while maintaining spouse relationships, creating healthier environments for everyone involved.

Divorce may be commonplace, but not for you

Though routine for observers, divorce represents a major life crisis when personal. You, children, and your spouse experience unexpected feelings and behaviors that may surprise. Even initiating spouses undergo intense emotions.

Emotional experiences vary greatly in intensity and duration. Returning to normalcy might require one, two, or more years.

Divorce stress can impair parenting, friendship, and employment effectiveness. You may experience:

• Difficulty thinking clearly
• Impaired judgment
• Difficulty making rational decisions
• Depression

What should you think about when choosing your divorce process?

Recognize that divorce carries legal, emotional, and financial implications. Consider multiple factors when deciding next steps.

What are your personal considerations?

• Can you and your spouse make decisions together? Which types?
• Are you in a same-gender relationship? How does separation affect you?
• Has violence occurred in your relationship?
• Can you sit in the same room with your spouse?
• Is alcohol or drug use impacting the divorce?
• Is either person in a challenging mental state?
• What demands does work place on you?
• Do you have flexible court scheduling?
• Can you trust your spouse's honesty?
• Do you have children?
• What relationship type do you want with children?
• Do any children have disabilities or special needs?
• Is your future spouse relationship important to you?
• Is your spouse employed? Does scheduling offer flexibility?

What are your financial considerations?

• Do you or your spouse have special compensation (stock options, restricted stock units, bonus plans, commissions)?
• Same-gender couples and domestic partners need unique strategies addressing particular tax and historical considerations.
• What is your divorce budget?
• How will you finance the divorce?
• How complicated is your financial situation?
• Do you have a retirement plan?
• Does either spouse operate a business?

What are your legal considerations?

• Do you have separate property?
• Do you have premarital or postmarital agreements?
• For same-gender relationships, what is your legal status (married, domestic partnership, other)?
• Are you or your spouse under a restraining order?
• Is filing first crucial to you?
• Do you want legal separation or divorce?
• Are grounds for nullity present?
• Must you consider jurisdictional or residency issues?
• What is your separation date, and does it matter?

What are your Divorce Options?

It is common to try multiple processes. You may start with traditional representation or proceed unrepresented, then switch to mediation or collaborative divorce (or reverse direction if non-adversarial approaches fail).

Do-It-Yourself

Resolution created through direct negotiation between you and your spouse with minimal professional assistance.

Do-It-Yourself: Advantages

• You may consult with divorce professionals
• Do-It-Yourself books and Internet sites readily available
• You may feel more in control, designing solutions on your own time
• Potentially less costly unless difficulties arise
• Family law facilitators in your county can assist with forms

Do-It-Yourself: Disadvantages

• No professional guidance or advocacy provided
• Decisions may lack informed basis
• Specific complexities for same-gender or unmarried couples may exist that standard forms don't address
• Most do-it-yourselfers have reasonably simple estates, yet legal, financial, and tax complexities may exist unknown to you
• If judges decide your matter, you lose control, must know legal rules, and have no case support

Traditional Representation

Traditional Representation employs an adversarial process where resolution derives from applying law regarding rights, responsibilities, and entitlements. This represents the "default" process when spouses disagree about other methods; court intervention becomes necessary.

Traditional Representation: Advantages

• Law defines what you and your spouse get or must surrender
• Traditional representation includes timelines with decision deadlines
• Courts can compel document production, support payment, property transfer, children access, and other acts
• Legal frameworks address nearly all facts and situations; court-resolvable issues will be resolved
• Judges make decisions sometimes regardless of cooperation or objection levels
• Courts provide protective orders addressing coercive control and intimate partner violence
• Formal discovery (written and oral) helps uncover hidden assets and debts
• Enforcement sanctions address non-disclosure and cooperation failures

Traditional Representation: Disadvantages

• Traditional representation typically costs most (especially trial cases)
• Timeline may extend; court calendars face congestion
• Numerous court appearances may occur before trial
• Traditional representation may polarize families through win/lose mindset creation
• Representation tends toward lawyer-driven negotiations; your lawyer significantly influences parenting and financial resource allocation decisions
• Judges decide with limited information; you lose control to lawyers and courts
• You lose decision-making control and timing authority
• Judges remain limited to applicable law; "out of the box" thinking has no room
• Court-imposed decisions face more frequent violation
• Law doesn't address all situations (requiring college payment, providing religious/moral training, or achieving "fairness")
• Lack of cooperation dramatically escalates financial and emotional costs while interfering with children's developmental needs
• Courts may lack same-gender couple familiarity:
  • Such as two dads or two moms
  • Spousal support and property settlements may not reflect relationship length due to varying legal recognition timing
  • Same-gender couple rights vary by location
• Judge-imposed agreements face higher challenge likelihood

Mediation

Resolution determined by you and your spouse and facilitated by one or more neutral professionals.

Mediation: Advantages

• Mediators usually draft neutral-perspective agreements reviewed by consulting lawyers before signature
• You and your spouse control outcomes rather than judges or arbitrators deciding
• Jointly-made decisions face higher compliance likelihood
• Typically shorter and less expensive than traditional representation
• Mediators:
  • Facilitate agreement identification and difference recognition
  • Provide gathering information structure
  • Provide solution-creation structure
  • May educate about general parenting, law, and finance aspects
• One or more neutral professionals meet with both parties simultaneously; you have neutral professional choices, working with legal professionals alone or combining financial, parenting, and legal professionals
• Mediation promotes interest-based decision-making
• Mediation remains voluntary, private, and confidential
• You control process pace and process itself
• You can discuss and adopt law-incompatible options
• Signed mediation agreements become fully enforceable
• Both parties receive good-faith negotiation expectations
• Mediation may include various professional advice, particularly your consulting lawyer aligned with your interests
• Mediation may involve child specialists and financial specialists

Mediation: Disadvantages

• Mediation proves inappropriate with coercive controlling behavior and intimate partner violence presence
• In mediation, no one can:
  • Compel decision-making
  • Compel commitment-keeping
  • Compel deadline meeting or task completion
• Mediation may fail without cooperation commitment, though mediators can often encourage it
• Mediators don't represent or advocate for either person
• Mediators may lack full ability balancing each person's negotiation capacity for respective interests
• Mediators are non-decision-makers
• You may feel uncomfortable in your spouse's same room presence
• Each person must depend on negotiation capacity; others rarely accompany you during negotiation

Collaborative Practice

You and your spouse determine resolution supported by legal, financial, and mental health professional teams.

Collaborative Practice: Description

You work with divorce-professional teams trained in collaborative negotiation addressing critical questions.

Your collaborative team includes:

• Each spouse has lawyers specially trained in collaboration representing individual interests
• You jointly employ neutral financial specialists gathering and organizing financial information understandably while helping you consider financial decision impacts
• Each spouse has coaches assisting with communication, emotion management, and parenting plan designing
• For children-involved cases, child specialists serve as "children's voices," educating and consulting throughout divorce impact processes
• Licensed mental health professionals serve as coaches and child specialists
• Other professionals may involve: real estate consultants, career planners, business evaluators, special needs resources

Upfront signed agreements establish that professionals won't pursue court proceedings (the "disqualification agreement").

• Teams resign upon third-party decision-maker involvement (judges or arbitrators)
• Agreements reinforce collaboration commitment

Participants commit to:

• Act with integrity
• Correct mistakes, even disadvantageously
• Treat each other with respect
• Disclose material information openly and fully, requested or not

Collaborative Practice: Advantages

• Interdisciplinary teams enhance likelihood of achieving highest family and personal goals
• You're more likely finding "win-win" solutions
• Collaboration excellently protects same-gender couples and unmarried parents:
  • Courts may lack your circumstances experience
  • Law continues evolving; same-gender couples must consult current-advice legal professionals
• Team expertise allows specialized-skill task allocation, rendering services more efficiently and professionally while reducing overall costs
• You focus on positive co-parenting skills promoting continuing family and friend relationships
• Promotes customized, interest-based agreements
• You and your spouse control option development for your family
• Financial specialists prepare both parties' financial disclosure documents, avoiding significant duplication and expense

Collaborative Practice: Disadvantages

• In collaboration, no one can:
  • Compel decision-making
  • Compel commitment-keeping
  • Compel deadline meeting or task completion
• Disqualification agreements mean professionals won't work with you in adversarial proceedings involving your spouse
• You may incur added costs transitioning from Collaborative Practice
• Upfront costs may seem high retaining several initial professionals; multiple professionals may feel expensive during financially-strained times
• Scheduling meetings with multiple participants may prove challenging
• Intimate partner violence/coercive control presence may make this inappropriate

Which process may work best for you?

From Do-It-Yourself, Traditional Representation, Mediation, and Collaboration options, which process may work best for your family? Why represents your best option? Non-adversarial options remain available even starting adversarially.

Points to consider when comparing processes:

• Both spouses must agree to any non-litigation process
• Gathering and organizing necessary information
• Designing appropriate children parenting plans
• Negotiating needed provisions
• Intimate partner violence or coercive controlling behavior in your relationship
• Your decision-making ability
• Control over decision-making for both spouses

Closing

Divorce often proves complex and emotionally challenging, taking significant mental and emotional well-being tolls while typically requiring considerable time and effort investments. Every situation remains unique; decisions made during this time have long-lasting future effects. Carefully evaluate circumstances and don't hesitate seeking guidance. Reaching qualified professionals—therapists, mediators, advisors, or attorneys—provides valuable support navigating processes with clarity and confidence.